thepurpleone | Cyberformed [] Inbox

[There is a ripple in the Force, a spark in her gut as she finishes her attack, knowing well it will do nothing to hurt him. She shifts back again giving him some space.

He was scared. That feeling was all too recognizable. Anila doesn't think it's of her, they were doing fine just seconds ago, having fun even, if she wanted to push it that far. This fear was panic, sudden and sharp.

Anila lowers her guard, letting the hilt of her lightsaber hang loose in her hand at her side. She's all for a good spar, but both parties have to be on the same level. Nothing about this is going to be enjoyable if she is going to end up frightening. Sparring takes trust, with ourself and with your opponent. It's her fault for not making sure that was as established as it should have been.]

Donnie? Are you okay?

[Donnie swallows, his weapon vanishing in a flurry of pixelated light. He winces at the question, bringing a hand to his chest as he tries to calm himself down.]

Yeah, I.... S-sorry. I didn't think you would, but I don't have my battle shell and...

[He shakes his head.]

Maybe this was a bad idea.

[Anila just as soon holsters her own weapon and holds out a hand.]

Hey, it's alright. I didn't know either. We were just trying to have fun.

[He's probably right, this was not her best idea and she feels guilty for suggesting it.]

I can help calm you down, if that's okay. Would it help if we got your battle shell? I didn't realize you didn't have it.

[If she's being honest, she didn't quite realize it came off at all, but she was known to be a bit ignorant about obvious matters at times.]

No more fighting.

Maybe. I don't know. That circles back to the 'lightsabers versus Cybertronian metals' topic.

[Donnie doesn't look too disappointed about stopping their sparring session, even if he feels bad that he'd spoiled the mood. He'd looked forward to it, a bit.]

...my shell isn't hard like my brothers'. That's why I built all my battle shells and weapons, so my brothers wouldn't have to worry about me getting hurt.

[He breathes out a laugh.]

Guess I haven't really fixed that problem here, have I?

[Anila looks at him for a moment.]

I was suggesting more as a comfort, clearly it's something you're used to having, so I thought it might help calm you down.

[She breathes in deep and lets it out in a quiet sigh, her posture relaxing even further.]

Do you really think it's a problem to fix? Sure your shell may not be hard like theirs, but that's not something that needs to be fixed, that makes it sounds like it's a broken thing that doesn't belong, but it's still you, isn't it? Maybe we can think of it more as... adapting, or something like that. Besides, I don't have a hard shell either and there's a constant fear that one day I'll slip up and lose an arm from this thing. [She pats the lightsaber hilt at her hip.]

And even with their hard shells and their ninpo and their weapons, you still worry about them just the same. That's a natural part of having brothers I think.

No, it's fine. I'm better.

[Kind of. He's mostly calmed down from that initial spike, at least.]

I...

-no, it's... [Donnie sighs, frowning.] It is adapting. And...I know, it's dumb, I've realized that, humans don't come equipped with built-in armor and stuff but when it's us and we're fighting and things, I'm still the one they look out for and I know it's because I'm the soft-shell. Raph always does it. Mikey does too. Leo's probably just better at not making it obvious.

Having a battle shell helped a lot. I mean, nothing would keep Raph from trying to shield me either way. But it's one less thing for them to think about- for me to think about. And then I found out the hard way that there are bad guys that can actually shred through that armor so...

That definitely sounds tough. I can't exactly say that I can relate. We are taught from a very young age the control it takes to harness a lightsaber, but that doesn't mean the fear leaves completely. In a way, it never should. There's a respect, for what it can do, the harm it can cause, and so you must always be careful.

[She starts tapping her palm, not really looking at him.]

I don't really know where I was going with that, but I think it's something like... it's a natural part of love to be afraid. But it's when that fear controls you that you start having issues.

[Anila gives a small huff and if she had any of those fuzzy hair strands that some organics had, they might have fluffed up from her face a moment.]

None of this is helping. I don't know why I pretend I have all the answers. Any of the answers. Sometimes, as a Jedi, it feels like I should, you know. But that's not the point here. My problem, not yours.

All I'm trying to say is be careful, but don't let fear be everything. And maybe we can up move 'finding a better material for your battle shell' up the list or something.

I know, I know. I...thought I was better about it. Maybe I'm just...not ready to do this sort of thing yet after all. The ol' reptile brain kicked in or something.

[Maybe he's just tired. But he has good reason to be.]

Hey, hey, no need to rush anything. I was hoping to get us active and get our mind off of things and didn't really think it through.

Point is, I'm glad you came and you tried. I'm proud of you for that.

What do you want to do now?

[A pause, then she quickly continues.]

I don't mean we have to figure out another activity. I was just thinking what might help you settle a bit after a big shock to your system like that. Doesn't even have to involve me. I won't be offended.

[It's such a simple little thing, and yet those three words have a profound effect on him, a bloom of warmth breaking through the tension and uncertainty.

It's different when Anila says them now, because she's explained the reason. Esmeryl may have meant well, but telling Donnie that she was proud of him no matter what he did just doesn't hold much water to him who places so much of his worth in his works.]

...I don't know. Maybe I should just. Take a nap.

[A rare admission from him considering how much he usually avoids sleep, but he knows he won't be able to properly focus for any of his projects. Being a useless lump might help him unwind, maybe.]

[Anila nods, thoughtful as her fingers continue to tap against her palm.]

Sleep can be healing, when it allows itself to be as it should.

[She really is starting to sound more and more like her master. Does that mean she's getting old? She isn't even 30.]

Let me walk you back to your room? Then I promise I won't be a bother to you any more.

You're not a bother. Promise.

[He smiles faintly as he says this, but he nods at the offer. It's still nice to have the company, at least.]

[The words hit her harder than expects and for a moment, the shock is obvious on her face before it relaxes into a smile.]

Thanks.

[Once they reach his room again, she pauses.]

Do you mind if I hug you?

[He's not sure why the reaction, but at least the smile is reassuring. The silence that falls between them as they make way for his room doesn't feel nearly so heavy. It's nice, a companionable quiet.

Donnie starts to lift a hand to activate the door when Anila makes her request, his expression softening before he turns towards her.]

...guess it couldn't hurt.

[-is as close to saying he wants one as he can get.]

[She smiles and wraps her arms around him. It's maybe not the same as his brothers or anyone else, but there is a protectiveness to it, not fierce or intense, but firm. She only holds him for a moment, tight enough to not be shy, tight enough to let him know she is there before she releases him again.]

If you need anything and I mean it anything, come find me. We've been to some of the darkest pits together, it's gonna take a bit more to scare me off at this point. I'm proud of you for trying today, even if it didn't go as well as we'd hoped.

[Anila reaches out and pats his shoulder.]

Just remember to keep trying. There's still good out there and there's still good in here. [She taps his chest, right over his heart.] Hold onto it.

[It's a long good bye for someone who lives on the same ship. But Anila feels like now that they've had a moment to really settle again, she needs to reiterate the lessons here. She gets the feeling that Donnie doesn't hear these things enough. Maybe she really is turning into her Master. Maybe that's not such a bad thing.]

Don't be a stranger, Don. Have a nice nap.

[She gives him a smile and a wave before walking off.]

[It's...nice. It's needed. Donnie's arms embrace her back, just as tightly. It's an embrace that holds an apology, and gratitude for her being there, as well as just for still being alive.

He nods once she releases him.]

Okay.

[He feels that annoying prickling in his eyes again, smile tight but still genuine as he gives another nod. He doesn't enter his room just yet, watching as she heads down the hall for a bit while the doors slide open a crack to admit him. Then he takes a breath as he turns, stepping inside.]

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