thepurpleone | Cyberformed [] Inbox

[Mikey hunches in on himself a bit more]

Sorry. I dunno what's going on in everybody else's heads, but um. We're just thirteen, y'know? I don't really think about that very much back home because Master Splinter is always there to back us up and we had a new lair to be home after the mousers destroyed the old one, but everything is so big, here. And I don't just mean tall, I mean... I don't know... Important. It's not just the foot clan or whatever stealing stuff and being weird, or Karai and Leo having their weirder thing, it's big stuff.

[A shrug, and gnawing at his lip for a few seconds] You didn't do anything wrong. I think everybody is just scared. I get scared a lot, so... I get it. Maybe they're afraid of losing you when you all just found each other. I guess.

No we're not.

[The response comes out automatically. Age has been one of those factors hanging over his head ever since his other brothers arrived, so of course Donnie's quick to latch onto that tidbit.]

I'm fourteen. Fifteen, really. I've been here almost an Earth year so I think I'm allowed that much. ...but everyone else is like...suddenly two years or so down the timeline from what I know, and there's a huge gap of stuff they've gone through that I haven't so it's.... Just been weird. You know? Mikey's not supposed to be older than me.

At least one isn't.

[He wraps his arms around the plush, pulling his legs in some so his feet aren't dangling off the edge of the beanbag.]

We've always done a lot of stuff on our own. Well, I guess not alone. A lot of the time at least one other of us is along, but it's never been stuff like this. Dad usually stays at home watching TV.

[Sounds like Other!Mikey and the fam have had it pretty rough back there.]

...you're not wrong. I mean, I can't say I'm surprised. Everyone's always worried about me. I'm not big and strong like Raph. Not durable like Mikey or Leo. I just...want to prove I can do things too. I thought I'd be okay because I wasn't alone.

You're... what? [He had to stop there and press his face harder into his knees because that felt like getting smacked with vertigo. He'd known they were all different sizes than he was and stuff, but...] Y-you guys are how old? Really? That's just- I-

[He didn't know what to say or say or feel. They were supposed to match. They were his brothers, but not, and now they were all bigger than him, too? It didn't feel fair. His lower lip wobbled. He stopped and swallowed and gave a little laugh of his own, though it was admittedly strained, and changed the subject even though it was to one that was even worse ]

I... yeah. I feel like that back home. I get it. Back home, Leo's the leader and all mister strategy and Splinter Junior like Raphie calls him, Raph is all strong and does his stuff where he goes above the sewers all the time with Casey, you're the one who designs smart stuff and always knows what to do when we get stuck with technology or friggin, Stockman again, so...

Yeah. I get it. I get that wound up feeling in my chest at wanting to prove I'm not just... the extra brother. But it sounds like stuff is even worse here than it gets at home, and Leo almost- He almost died once back home. [His voice catches and wobbles, remembering that]

I dunno what the answer is. But... it's okay, being frustrated and stuff. I know I've thought of running off to do my own like, superhero kinda thing back home sometimes too, so it going that bad must feel... awful. Sorry.

Edited 2023-10-16 08:13 (UTC)

Raph's a year older than Leo and I, and Mikey's a year younger. That's how it usually works, anyway.

[Not here in messed up space bridge land.

Donnie looks over at Mikey as he listens to what the other turtle variant has to say about his home, blinking at the first part.]

Wait, wait, wait- Leo's the leader for you? It's always been Raph.

[And that's not even the half of what grips him as other!Mikey continues.

Leo almost- He almost died once back home.

Leo he... He sacrificed himself. He was trapped in that place and if I didn't... if we didn't bring him back-

The words of two Mikeys swirl in his head and it makes him sick. The memory of a badly injured Leo who wasn't his Leo comes up in his mind, x-rays of severe but recovering damages.

Donnie doesn't quite hear the rest of Mikey's words, squeezing his eyes shut to stave off whatever vertigo threatens him for this multiversal revelation, and he hugs that dragon plush tight against him.]

Edited 2023-10-16 17:40 (UTC)

[Mikey gapes at their not all being the same age, weren't they all babies together? That's how it works, right? But apparently not everywhere]

[Even worse, Mikey didn't realize the mistake he'd made at first, not until he trails off to notice that Donnie was hugging the dragon, and- And Mikey slowly rewinds what he'd said and blanches, realizing what he must've done]

Oh crud oh crud, Don, I didn't mean to-

[He starts to reach out towards Donnie but stops partway there, his hand hovering for a few seconds before he lets it fall] I shouldn't've- [His face crumples, and he drew back. His own Leo or Donnie or heck, even Raph would've known what to do. He was always screwing up, and he doesn't know how to fix it. If it were anybody else, he'd have offered a hug, but Donnies didn't like those...]

[Sometimes his brothers respect his space too much, maybe more so now. Did things change that much in two years? He's not that hug-shy, but perhaps he's cultivated his so-called emotionally unavailable bad boy image since.

...right now he just really wants a hug. So much so that he's actually hugging a stuffed dragon. The beanbag cushion creaks in that way that beanbags do as he shifts, as though he could burrow right into it.

Turns out, there are things in the universe that he would rather not know.]

...it's not your fault. You can't help what's happened where you're from, not any more than I can do anything about what's happened or will happen back home.

[He sighs, finally opening his eyes again, feeling more wrung out than earlier.]

[Mikey shifts at that and crawls closer than he had been before, and hesitantly rests a hand ever so lightly on the back of Donnie's shell, ready to take it back if it isn't wanted. He's not used to Donnie having a soft shell or the possibility of things going even worse with Donnie than they already felt like, either, and the combination has him hunching all over again but he decides that it is probably definitely worth trying]

Hey, so. I know I'm not good at all that stuff you guys are, but I am good at the touchy feely stuff sometimes. Maybe not as good at hugging as that dragon is, but kinda close. If you want it. It's okay if you don't, really, but uh-

[It must be super weird being around brothers that are yours and aren't. Maybe even worse than actually being by your lonesome because there's a reminder of what you could have and yet at the same time didn't quite. Or maybe that's Donnie's overthinking at work again.

He doesn't flinch as he feels Mikey's hand on his shell. Do other Donnies have the same one he has? It doesn't sound like this is a thing for this Mikey's brother, anyway.

Donnie looks down at the poor crushed dragon and loosens his arms around them, glancing at Mikey. This Mikey sure babbles a lot when he's nervous. Is he always that way or just because he's by himself here?

But even Mikeys need hugs, even when they're always the ones eager to give.

Pushing up and away from a beanbag seat is not very easy, but at least by then Donnie's compacted most of the filling into something stiff enough to support him. He lets go of the plush, throwing his arms around Mikey with just the tiniest sniffle that he'll deny ever happened.]

[Mikey's arms are loose at first in surprise before he closes them around Donnie and squeezes him tight, tucking his face into Donnie's shoulder with a small, muffled noise of his own]

[For once, he doesn't want to say anything. Just being able to hold onto Donnie and know he is here and safe and holding onto him right back is such a comfort, such a relief, that he doesn't want to let go ever. When he is being hugged, it doesn't matter that he was younger all of a sudden or that the others weren't the brothers he was used to or that Donnie has been doing stuff on his own that makes Mikey's stomach do flips, all that matters is here and right now and knowing that they are connected in every way that matters]

[In every way that made him let out a quiet sigh dragged out from somewhere deep inside him, feeling truly at peace for one of the first times since he'd arrived in this weird place]

[There aren't any specific details that should have to matter. Donnie's always known for certain that there's no safer place than being embraced by his family. It doesn't fix everything, but it helps pull together the important parts, and that helps with the fixing sometimes.

Feeling Mikey relax has an almost profound effect. Okay, maybe just a little longer.

Eventually he does loosen his hold, pulling back just a little, not without a pat on the other turtle's harder shell.]

You good, buddy?

[Kind of funny to be asking when Mikey had been offering to comfort him, but big brothers should check on the little ones.]

[Mikey sniffles a bit, resisting the urge to cling onto Donnie when he pulled back. Now that Donnie was asking him outright, it was harder not to think about all of the things that have been bothering him. He winces]

I- Yeah. I mean... I don't know. It just feels like...

[He hunches in on himself despite the hug and despite Donnie's reassuring presence, because...]

I've been trying to adjust and stuff like you and Leo said. I promise! But everything always feels so like... fragile here, y'know? Like if I breathe on any of you guys wrong you'll disappear, or I will, and then I'd be somewhere even worse and without you guys there, even. I don't want to be alone...

[Donnies still have their limits for physical contact, but he doesn't move away, leaving his hand on Mikey's shell as that expression doesn't suggest things are good at all.

But the reasons are entirely relatable, and the purple-flavored turtle breathes out a laugh in spite of himself. ]

Well, if you think you're the only one there, you are so wrong. I think that's kind of normal considering the abnormal circumstances of this all. Not knowing if or when the space bridge will act up again, or whatever else might happen being associated with a killer robot race...

But just waiting for the other shoe to drop doesn't make things better. Look, there is so much out there that is amazing and new and that we would never have a chance to experience otherwise. If we're too busy looking at our feet or behind us then we'll miss out.

You can't tell me that you guys didn't have any dreams about exploring space when you were tiny turtle tots, right?

[This explanation takes him by surprise, and despite himself, despite everything, he gives a wobbly smile] Well... yeah. Especially cause we didn't leave the sewer even more so back then. Me and Donnie used to be obsessed the most, but you know how it is, I just wanted to paint it and he was interested in why space was space and how. Leo promised he'd take there, and- and Raphie got me glow in the dark stars, when we were little and still shared one room.

Does your Raph still do that kind of stuff? It's really weird sometimes, finding out where the lines go and where they're colored in different.

Nah, we'd just reenact our favorite Jupiter Jim stories. You've seen our inspiration for space, or at least a few movies by now. I think most of our space obsession hinged on exploring it with Jupiter Jim himself. Or Atomic Lass...

[He sighs almost longingly, thinking of his earliest crush.]

Anyway, point being, this is all way beyond any of our expectations. And now that we're all here, it'd be a shame to just waste the opportunity!

[Donnie finally lets his hand drop away from Mikey as he sits back at the edge of his bean bag chair.]

I was here before everyone else was, so...it was hard, wondering if I'd ever see my brothers again, or if any of them might come here. But looking at what all there was to see here, and all these people I've met, it helped distract me from thinking about those things.

[Most of the time. It was still admittedly hard not to feel alone when you'd never been apart from your brothers for so long before.]

Edited 2023-10-30 07:30 (UTC)

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